Dissatisfied.
Some days I find myself returning to my depression, I just feel it ball up inside me and I feel that I want to die. I can’t take all this pressure that everyone puts on me, I work hard and get nothing but dissatisfaction in return. All I want to do is make my parents happy, I work hard, I get all A’s, I try to do everything right, yet they’re still not proud of me. I come home everyday to get yelled at about some insignificant nonsense and spend the rest of my night hating myself, feeling horrible. The only person that listens is Jesse, and I’m so afraid that me and my problems will become a burden to him. I love him, he’s in a way my light at the end of the tunnel, thoughts of him make everything better and being with him heals my soul. However, around my family, I can’t relax I feel uncomfortable, even uninvited. I yearn for the day when my mother will turn to someone and proudly tell them that I’m they’re daughter and smile over at me. But that days never going to come and I’m growing so tired of trying to make it happen. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep at night hoping for the best in the future. It feels like its never going to get better, as if i’m using thoughts of the future as an escape from the present.
